Have a Break, Enjoy the Sembreak

Going back to school made me realize that I have deteriorated in speed in terms of producing a paperwork output. When I was still in college, I would finish a paper in 30 minutes and would still get graded with flying colors. Now, considering that I am a professional writer in our humble locality, I couldn’t seem to match the pace of my other classmates in masters. I came to realize this when my professor asked us to conduct a qualitative research. I noticed that despite that my classmates were loaded with more M.A. subjects than I do, and they’re employed too, they were still able to submit their works on time and they could present really nice reports. I’m left wondering why they can do everything required and I cannot. I guess I need to revamp my time management strategies, if I actually have that at all. Haha!

I entered graduate school with the confidence that I can get through it with ease. I was wrong. I realized that what I got into is not a simple battlefield. This endeavour requires full attention, focus, and a lot of budget. Since I’m pregnant right now and I don’t want to sacrifice my unborn baby’s safety, I would always ride on a taxi for transport just to get to school, which here in the Philippines is too costly.

I’m still sleepy as I’m writing this blog because for the past two weeks, I have been spending sleepless nights completing my research at my makeshift study room. I have asked my mom to sleep beside my daughter during night time because I needed to do my paper. Even if it breaks my heart to not sleep beside my child, I suppressed my wanting to be with her because my professor would only grade the finished product, not the ordeals that a mother-student would have to go through just to come up with something.

So finally, I can breathe, thank God. Today officially marks my sembreak in graduate school.

At this point, even if I feel messed up, part of me is hoping to improve myself better. I feel like I’m reverting back to my childhood days when I used to daydream of the things that I wanted to do. I’m torn between pondering if I am really at the advantaged end since I am now making money for myself; or I am far behind because until now, I am still dissatisfied with what I have.  

Shrug off the bad vibes. Ugh. I’m really sleepy.

After several tiresome projects and concerns, I think my body is just telling me to rest for now. There are more things to do… ZZZzzzzz…