How to Move On from a Failed Relationship

Exactly 10 years ago, I was a radiant lady who was full of dreams and ambitions. Suddenly, a man came along who shifted my views and made me feel that he can cut short my journey toward my goals. He made me believe that I can dream bigger and better. He enrolled me in law school, renovated my family’s house, and provided for my financial needs. Just like a totally perfect leading man which I used to read in romance pocket books, I thought, he was the one.

After eight years of living together, and after having two kids, we drifted apart. I didn’t see that coming. Any woman in her right mind would not want her family to be torn apart, but any wise woman would not tolerate to be repeatedly abused, cheated on, and disrespected. Although of course this is easier said than done, the only way to put things in better order is to move forward.

Interested to find out how am I playing this part, really? These are the things that I do:

1.       ACCEPTANCE. This is the best advice that I have read on Twitter. If bad things come your way, realize that surprising things do not happen to only you. Accept that in one way or another, the unexpected could always occur because we co-exist with a multitude of human beings with diverse backgrounds. If you’re hurt, accept that “it” happened and your situation CAN change.

2.       SURROUND YOUR SELF WITH TRUE FRIENDS. Indeed, friends are blessings from God. At times when you cannot think rationally because you are emotionally affected, these people would lift your spirits up. They may not always say the words that you would like to hear, but definitely, they will tell you things that they truly mean to help you recuperate from your bad fate.

3.       AVOIDANCE.  Avoid the places, things, or websites that would only remind you how things used to be. If you keep on entertaining your ex’s attempt to communicate, you won’t be able to move forward. Give yourself the peace of mind that you deserve. If he was not present in your life 10 years ago, it is still possible to live another kind of life without him in the next years to come.

4.       READING BOOKS. Read the bible and other inspirational books that will make you remember that you are complete and worthy even without the approval of the person who once was part of your life. Since break-ups are perfect cues that you have more time for yourself, seize the opportunity to read good books so you could improve more as a person.

5.       HIT THE GYM. It is scientifically proven that an active lifestyle not only puts one into good shape, but also empowers an individual to think more rationally when summoned to sudden pressures. Avoid stress-induced cancer cells by squeezing in some exercise in your busy schedule daily.

6.       BUSY YOURSELF. Being in a toxic relationship can zap your energy. Since you already freed yourself from a humongous stressor, it’s about time that you channel your love from just one person to chasing your dreams. Keep yourself busy not only to become productive but also to have no time for overthinking of the past.  

7.       LEARN FROM THE LIVES OF SURVIVORS. It’s also nice to talk to people who have experienced the same challenge in their lives, especially those who became happier later on. Most of them simply continued living an upright life and eventually they were blessed. Ask them how they weathered their storm and you might learn something for your own guidance.

8.       DIVERSION. Being single entails a lot of me-time. Have you had any hobbies in the past that you have neglected since your priorities changed? Now is the best time to get artsy and crafty again! Do you have wishes on your bucket list that you haven’t checked yet? Now is also the opportune moment to reach your goals one by one.

9.       BE FINANCIALLY ABLE. It’s costly to be in a relationship, right? Money matters become a headache instead of being a fuel to happiness. Now that the decision-making is all yours to handle, without the opinion of somebody else on how are you supposed to utilize your hard-earned funds, make sure that you transform yourself this time to become financially savvy. Educate yourself, invest, save, and minimize spending.

10.   FAMILY. Blood is always thicker than water. If your relationship with your biological family was severed in pursuit of a wrong relationship, now is the time to reach out again to rebuild bridges. Only your family will be willing to assist and understand you completely in your emotional, financial, and psychological ordeals. Channel back your love to them for they deserve it better than the one who pushed you away.

11.   PRAY. Every time memories rush in and you feel hurt, just utter a short prayer asking the Lord for healing rather than anguish in one corner. Ask other people to pray for you too because only God can change somebody’s heart, from being in pain to being liberated.